I recently had a new and unfortunate experience: I entered a dog grooming parlour! Upon being instructed to “close the door, quick,” I was met by an animal the size of a brown bear, looking equally as menacing! In the adjacent grooming room, there were a couple of large, recently coiffured French Poodles. With their balls of fur connected by shaved limbs, they were entangled on the floor in some kind of French connection! The groom mistress was working on a small, wet animal with a very loud dryer, something akin to a leaf blower. The humid air was thick with the smell of wet dog hair and other doggy odours, reminiscent of the atmosphere in the small change room after a football game! Hastily, I shut the door and made my retreat for some fresh suburban air!
April 2024
This year, our annual Easter egg hunt introduced a novel technique. In solidarity with the cocoa bean shortage, we opted for the tiniest of eggs, snugly nestled within slightly larger, egg-shaped plastic containers. These containers, bedecked in an array of vibrant hues, guided our young egg enthusiasts along the labyrinthine garden paths.
Shielded within their armored casings, these eggs remained impervious to the midday sun, also ensuring no chocolate-seeking canine or other susceptible creature comes to harm.
The true victor of this egg-cellent affair? The trailblazer who meticulously plotted the hunt. As he dismantles the directional signage, he’ll discover a trove of overlooked treasures—his well-deserved reward!
Gone are the days of stumbling upon rogue eggs weeks later, weather-worn or worse—stripped bare by some crafty rodent.
March 2024
Years ago, Sunday drivers used to venture up into our hillside area to admire the apple blossoms or, later in the year, the apple trees on hills and valleys adorned with shades of red and golden-colored autumn leaves.
Nowadays, travelers mostly encounter vast areas covered in less aesthetically pleasing white netting.
Even in home gardens, covering fruit trees appears to be a necessity to prevent ripe fruit from being devoured by unintended interlopers.
Our former chicken yard has been transformed into a permanent cage providing protection for peaches, nectarines, and mulberries.
February 2024
Despite having studied amenity horticulture, I don’t harbor a great passion for gardening. Nonetheless, I am happy to assist those who derive enjoyment from creating a colourful and attractive environment, and I acknowledge the commitment required to sustain such a space. Furthermore, I appreciate the seasonal fresh fruit and vegetables that nourish us.
I find conventional gardening shows in video media a bit dull, and I believe there is an opportunity to showcase an aspect of gardening more effectively. Let’s focus on the characters engaged in gardening and observe how they contend with the forces of nature, witnessing physical exertion, emotional stress, failure, and triumph.
Imagine seeing some sweat, grit, and grime infused into gardening shows for our vicarious entertainment. Let’s elevate the portrayal of gardening to capture the challenges and triumphs faced by those who immerse themselves in this endeavour.
January 2024
In this season of introspection, I find myself contemplating the need for change. A resolution echoes within me, a commitment to declutter the tangible remnants of my past that have amassed within the confines of my office.
A collection of reel-to-reel audio tapes lingers, their nostalgic whispers unheard due to the absence of a recorder. Fortunately, progress has rescued many recordings, now digitized and preserved in the vast expanse of the digital realm.
Photo slides and an antiquated projector spark fond memories of evenings spent in the glow of projected images. Eight-millimeter movie films join the tableau, their magic now transferred to the digital canvas, seamlessly blending past and present.
Boxes of vinyl LP records stand as witnesses to the evolution of my musical taste. Acker Bilk and his Paramount Jazz Band, the inaugural purchase, followed by a diverse array of performers, capturing the rhythm of my journey through time.
Cassette tapes, relics of a bygone era, number in similarity to their vinyl counterparts. This Christmas, the almost playful insertion of a Boney M tape nearly heralded a nostalgic auditory voyage.
Compact discs, heralds of more recent musical epochs, stand alongside the relics of the past. The Beatles box set, a tempting offer to any enthusiast, resides amongst the collection.
A CD of cool jazz standards has become a permanent resident in my ute player, stubbornly refusing ejection for a decade. A testament, perhaps, to the endurance of timeless tunes.
VHS and DVDs, once the epitome of home entertainment, now rest in boxes and on shelves, overshadowed by the convenience of streaming services.
An iPod player, a printer bereft of its driver, a revolving disco light ball, and a modest assortment of sport trophies embellish the landscape of my space. Old-school textbooks, an unexpected testament to literary inclinations, share shelf space with an array of gizmos and ornaments, each carrying its unique tale.
With newfound space and clarity, my office now breathes, ready to embrace the change that echoes through the air. As the remnants of the past find new homes or retire into memory, it is time to redirect attention to the unexplored realms beyond these walls.
December 2023
We are fortunate to live next to the Central Recreation Ground, which serves as an extension to our garden. Several years ago, I might have participated in tree planting during an Arbor Day event organized by the Primary School. Subsequently, our Rural Youth Club engaged in weed and rubbish removal. In recent years, our History Group coordinated the removal of pine trees and the restoration of two war memorials.
The small, undulating recreation ground housed the Central Cricket Club in the late 1800s. Although the concrete pitch no longer exists, some fragments can still be found in various parts of our garden!
Moreover, the former cricket ground has been the venue for the Fry V’s Fry Family Biennial Christmas Cricket Match. One particularly memorable close match was concluded in darkness to present the winning team with the Silver Tray Trophy.
In more recent times, this hallowed turf witnessed another significant encounter between historic cricket rivals.
November 2023
With the current proposal to ban engineered stone, due to the hazardous dust produced when it is being cut, I’ve been reminded of the times when I failed to wear appropriate safety equipment, especially that one time when I removed a pan from a scorching hot oven, placed it on top of the stove, took off my oven glove to turn off the oven, and then decided it would be a great idea to grab the pan handle with my bare hand!
I possess a considerable array of safety gear, including steel-capped boots, overalls, a leather apron, a variety of gloves, dust masks, respirators, a hard hat, face shield, eye protectors, earmuffs, and high-visibility vests. Additionally, I have fire extinguishers, blankets, a firefighting pump, first aid kits, a snake bite kit, hazard tape, hazard bollards, and a “Road Work Ahead” sign.
After years of fearlessly wielding the most perilous of tools, the chainsaw, I’ve been hesitant to invest in an expensive pair of chaps to protect my legs. Let’s hope this decision doesn’t turn out to be my Achilles’ heel.
October 2023
After recent work with a chainsaw, horticultural activities on the Stafford family farm in Lenswood have been reduced to just one Duchess Pear tree and a solitary Jonathan apple tree. Additionally, there are rows of remnant Pink Lady Protea bushes.
Since the time of European settlement, the farm has seen the cultivation of a diverse range of commercial crops. This began in an era when it was profitable to transport small quantities of produce to Adelaide using a horse and cart.
Stringy bark timber, some of which was fashioned into shingles, wattle bark for tanning, wheat, raspberries, black currants, potatoes, peas, swedes, plums, lucerne, millet, pasture for hay and grazing, apples, pears, cherries, proteas, and native grass for seed—all of these crops, at various points throughout the years, adorned the picturesque landscape.
The land has sustained three generations of the family over the years. However, the fourth generation chose to continue the tradition, giving it a try and enjoying the lifestyle, but eventually pursuing other interests outside the farm.
September 2023
I’ve mentioned before that the first day of September is National Wattle Day. This year, it was looking like it was going to be Matilda Day!
“This here’s the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle or you can hold it in your hand. Amen.” Monty Python.
I reckon we deserve a public holiday at the end of winter and I think the first day of spring could be a great celebration of all things green and gold. There are a lot of holidays in summer and one of them could be relocated to make Wattle Day a holiday. Moving the one from January 26th would be ideal!
“Since the late 1800s, green and gold have been popularly embraced as Australia’s national sporting colours.
Governor-General, the Rt Hon Sir Ninian M Stephen KG AK GCMG GCVO KBE, proclaimed green and gold the national colours on 19 April 1984.
Prior to 1984, three colour combinations unofficially represented Australia:
- red, white and blue
- blue and gold
- green and gold”
I cheer for a team in the SANFL that has the colours green, blue and gold, a combination of colours that would make an attractive flag when we eventually become a republic! Sadly, the Mighty Eagles won’t be playing for the final’s flag this season!
August 2023
Like many, I’m guilty of cultural appropriation, the timeless art of borrowing and misrepresenting cultures.
I’ve played cowboys and Indians as a child. I’ve attempted to tell jokes with a “foreign” accent. I’ve tried to portray characters from different countries on the stage. I’ve laughed at performers like Andrew Sachs playing the clumsy Manuel in Fawlty Towers and Peter Sellars playing Hrundi Pink in The Party. They were playing for laughs but at whose expense?
I was involved in bringing Mark Mitchell to one of the Apple & Pear Festivals. His Con the Fruiterer character has been criticised for creating a caricature that failed to pick up on the nuances of cultural sensitivity. It’s a delicate dance for performers but I suppose Mary Coustas, a Greek Australian, is allowed the entire ballroom with Efthimia Francesca Stephanidis, better known as just “Effie“.
It’s been said that “cultural appropriation is like a slapstick routine gone wrong. It might seem harmless, but it perpetuates stereotypes and disregards the rich tapestry of cultural heritage.” Despite all this, a popular Adelaide character Hans, played by Matt Gilbertson, perseveres to be like a German to adoring fans. He is a very talented performer but in these enlightened times, is there some discomfort watching an Anglo Australian use a German accent?
Long before Hans, there was (regrettably) a local performer who tried to get a few laughs at the expense of German culture.
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